


shattered glass

by LuxDeorum



Category: Original Work, personal demons - Fandom
Genre: A/B/O, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anxiety, Depression, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-09-24 20:42:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20364802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuxDeorum/pseuds/LuxDeorum
Summary: just another lev/silas au, abo style





	1. Chapter 1

Lev had thought it was a panic attack. He'd been restless, his skin too tight and he felt downright twitchy. He didn't often wander at two in the morning; even with suppressants he didn't feel safe outside often. Still, he'd been up for hours, tossing and turning until his sheets had been kicked off into a sweaty pile at the foot of his bed.

He felt better once he was out in the night air. Usually being in the open left him more anxious than ever, but tonight was different, and he made the mistake of not thinking about it twice. Perhaps he'd just kept himself cooped up too long. At least few enough people would be out and about at this time of night, he comforted himself, and picked up his pace, shoving his earbuds in and hoping music would calm him down.

It took him half an hour to run into people, and the second he realized he'd walked too close, he slammed to a stop. They were loud, and boisterous, and he had no idea how he'd missed them, even with music at full blast. He wondered if he could turn around and slip away, but  _ something  _ kept him rooted to the spot. He started trembling, heart beating too loud in his ears, flushed all over and skin prickling uncomfortably.

The tallest of the bunch started cheerfully herding the rest into the cab hed waved over. The less people on the sidewalk, the more Lev was drawn closer. He kept having to force himself to stop, to think, to try to turn around. He was close enough now to be able to smell that at least one of them was an alpha. That should have scared him off. It did, to some extent. His breaths came too quick, too harsh, and he could feel tears gathering in his eyes as he battled the different impulses telling him to flee and to jump right at the alpha at the same time.

The tallest one shut the cab door, handing some money to the driver. Last chance to run, Lev realized, but he just stood there until the alpha, because it was obvious by now this was definitely an alpha, turned around. Lev watched his eyes widen, knew the alpha could scent him, and a delicious shiver went down his spine.

"Hey, are you alright?" The concern in the alpha's tone only warmed Lev more. "You don't look so good."

Lev opened his mouth to... to do something but all that came out was a soft whimper. It'd been ages since his omega had done anything different from what he was feeling, but it was loud enough now, demanding he lean close to the alpha, to reassure him the only way his omega knew how. Lev tried to lean back, to counter the impulse. Instead he just stood there, fiddling with the cord of his earbuds and trying to stifle the rest of the whines building up in his chest.

The alpha reached over, tilting his chin up and peering closely at him. Something cracked in Lev's self control, and he pressed his cheek into the hand. "Are you in heat?" The alpha was asking, sounding even more concerned.

Lev blinked dazedly. He couldn't be in heat. He'd been on suppressants for years. He couldn't quite get the words out, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to break whatever spell was going on. For the first time he could remember he felt safe around an alpha that wasn't family, and he was drowning in the comfort the hand on his face lent him. 

"Look, my place is just a few blocks that way. Let me take you home. You shouldn't be wandering the streets like this." There was enough of an order in the alpha's tone that Lev let himself be tucked close. It wasn't much of a hardship anyway. His omega was practically purring. Even through his hoodie Lev could feel the close contact easing the tightness in his chest that had been plaguing him for hours and hours. He was safe, and that was what mattered. 

~~

Silas wasn't really sure what to do with the omega currently in his bed. He'd tried to get the little guy settled in the guest bedroom and somehow the omega had managed to turn those big gold eyes on him and wheedled an okay out of Silas before he could think it through. Clearly the omega's hormones were already working on him. Silas caught the omega right at the beginning, so things were only going to get stronger. If Silas was lucky the omega’s heat would only be three days. If nothing else, he needed to take care of the omega. He'd seen the way the omega's ribs poked through his skin when the little omega had stripped unceremoniously. There was slender and then there was downright skinny, and Silas couldn't stand the idea that someone would let their omega wander so close to being in heat. The idea that they'd also let him get so gaunt near sent him into a rage. 

He shook off such thoughts, and pulled a few things out of the pantry. As soon as he got the omega through this first wave he was stuffing the guy silly. He had an omega on his hands that was desperate to please, and Silas was going to use that to his advantage and get as much food in him as he could. The omega needed the care. Even thinking about how he'd looked, pale as the moon, eyes so dilated his pupils nearly swallowed the gold of his eyes, skin stretched just a little too tight over delicate cheekbones, it made Silas angry. Someone ought to be caring for the omega, and they hadn't been. It wasn't right.

He decided against pulling the fruit out just yet, and was rooting around in the freezer when the sweet smell of omega heat washed over him. Slender arms went around his waist, and the omega spoke for the first time since Silas had met him.

"I made you angry."

"No, of course not." Guilt pricked at Silas. He turned as best he could. The pitiful whimper the omega gave tugged at his heart strings. He gathered him up without a second thought. "I'm not mad at you. I just can't think why any alpha would let their omega wander so close to their heat. Or let you get so underfed." He carried him to the bedroom, settling him down in the nest of blankets the omega had already made.

"Don't have an alpha." The omega plucked at his shirt until Silas joined him. "Just me."

That pulled Silas to a halt. He tipped the omega's chin up. "How long?"

"A year or so after I came of age. I was living with my grandmother but I... I didn't want to be a burden."

Silas bristled. "You're not a burden. Someone as slight as you I can't imagine you being much trouble at all."

The omega ducked his head, shoulders hunching. He went willingly when Silas drew him close, though there was a clear sound of relief when Silas drew back long enough to take his shirt off. Silas stroked a hand down the omega’s back, trying not to wince at the heat pouring off of the omega. With the way the omega was clinging to him he wasn’t going to get much more out of him for several hours.

~~

Lev woke feeling hot and uncomfortable. He barely remembered getting to this apartment, and he vaguely remembered the alpha whose bed he was currently curled in. The bed was empty now, and even as he felt a wave of relief, his omega whined at his abandonment. He pushed himself up, looking down, and then groaned softly. No clothes. Of course not. He got up to find his clothes, even if his skin crawled at the idea of putting them on.

“Everything okay?” the alpha asked, startling him into dropping his shirt. Lev grabbed it, holding it close. 

“I- I’m really sorry.” Lev couldn’t bring himself to look up. “I need to go home.”

“You need to eat,” the alpha corrected, leaving no room for discussion in his tone. “Come sit down.”

Lev did without thinking about it. The alpha reached over, teasing the shirt away, and dropped a bowl of yogurt in his lap. “Thank you,” Lev said hesitantly.

“I have plenty. I usually have people dropping by-” the alpha broke off when Lev’s head snapped up. “Hey, I let them know not to for the next week.”

Lev let out a strangled sound. “I can’t stay for the whole week. I need to go home. I shouldn’t be- I’m on  _ suppressants _ .”

“They don’t seem to be suppressing anything right now,” the alpha said firmly, “And you need someone to take care of you. I  _ want _ to take care of you.”

Lev flushed, but he couldn’t argue with that. Not with his omega preening at the thought of this alpha taking care of him. When the alpha leveled him a stern look, he ducked his head again. As soon as he was done with the yogurt, the alpha was drawing him close. The simple feeling of contact soothed him. 

The alpha gave an approving rumble. "Do you have any allergies?" 

Lev shook his head, and took the strawberry that was handed to him. He gave a pleased croon when the alpha settled him deeper in his lap.

"Shit." The alpha's exclamation made Lev pause, tensing, but the alpha stroked his arm until he settled. "I didn't even ask your name. I'm Silas, by the way."

"Lev."

"Lev?"

Lev nodded. His temperature was going up, and his skin prickled where Silas wasn’t touching him. Silas seemed to notice, because he grew a lot more pushy about Lev eating. Lev found he didn’t mind. He couldn’t remember being this coddled since he was a baby. So, no, he didn’t mind being held, and fed, and even as his discomfort grew, he found himself melting against Silas. He felt  _ safe _ , his omega was certain of that, and for now the anxiety over needing to leave faded. Silas wanted him right here, and right here he would stay.

~~

Silas propped himself up on an elbow, watching Lev as the omega slept. He’d gained some color to his cheeks over the past couple of days. A week of feeding him would not put that much meat on his bones, but it was a start. Silas would take what he could get. 

Silas paused in pulling Lev closer. He was thinking like Lev was staying. And as much as he wanted it now, as much as his alpha was determined to cling like Lev was to him, he knew it was just until this heat was over. Lev barely knew him, and this wasn’t exactly the most conventional way of meeting someone. It wasn’t the first time he’d gotten someone’s name after they got naked, but he didn’t think that it was Lev’s style. Lev seemed very much the stereotypical omega, meek and easily cowed. Silas had gotten too used to the mouthy omegas he’d been around for the past few years.

Lev gave a soft sigh, tucking his cheek against Silas’s chest. Silas could smell the faint arousal that hadn’t gone away these past few days. Lev hadn’t tried to do anything about it, and Silas wouldn’t have let him anyway. He was in no state to actually consent. It was certainly a new experience. The last omega he’d helped through a heat had been insatiable, but even though Silas’ bed was wet with slick and sweat and Lev was definitely hard against Silas’s thigh, Lev had not asked anything from Silas but comfort. Silas could only hope he’d offered that, and the care that he clearly so desperately needed. 

With an equally soft sigh Silas shifted until he could get some rest himself. Lev’s fever had gone down, finally, so unless it spiked again, Silas was pretty sure they were on the tail end of this heat. Maybe he could get an actual conversation out of the omega once the hormones settled. 

~~

Lev woke, clear headed, for the first time in several days. For a few minutes, he stayed, too comfortable with the weight at his back to want to wiggle out from under Silas just yet. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so safe and comfortable and calm. It was his bladder that made the decision to get up, easing free as carefully as he could. 

The further he got from Silas, the more mortified he became. He’d never done something like this before. He had no idea what had possessed him to let some alpha take him home. He barely remembered the past few days. Anxiety was a dull ache in his stomach. As soon as he finished in the bathroom he gathered up his clothes and eased out of the bedroom again. It took him only a few minutes to get dressed, though every step away from Silas made his omega whine.

By the time he got home he was so stressed he felt sick to his stomach. He peeled off his clothes again, hating the way they scraped against his skin. Everything felt pulled taut, his muscles twisted and sore under his skin. Nothing was right, and he knew it was the tail end of his heat, but it didn’t make it any less painful. He just wished he remembered more of what had happened. He remembered the lucid moments, he remembered Silas feeding him, pampering him, taking a shower with him. He remembered tender touches and a soft voice, alpha firm but gentle all the same. He remembered that but he had no idea what happened during the times between. 

He could still smell the alpha on him, too. On his clothes, on his skin, in his hair. He rubbed his arms, as if that would help, before wiping at his wet cheeks. He took a shuddery breath before gathering up the clothes he’d kicked off. He dumped them, converse and all, into his washer. Too much detergent went in there for the few articles of clothing in there, but he turned it on anyway. 

Maybe a shower would help. Not really likely, but he climbed in anyway, and turned on the water until his skin burned. He scrubbed and scrubbed until he felt raw, and his skin was more pink than pale, and still he swore he could smell Silas on him, and his tears threatened to choke him. Eventually he gave up and sank to the bottom of the shower. Sobs escaped anyway, like they always did. 

It wasn’t fair. He shouldn’t have had a heat. In retrospect he recognized the signs, but it still shouldn’t have happened. Even if it had happened, he’d never had one hit him so hard, had never felt so hazy and lost and adrift. Now he had huge gaps of time missing, and he’d spent almost a week with an alpha he didn’t know while in heat. He’d been  _ stupid _ . 

The water ran cold before Lev finished crying. It took him longer than it should have to get out and dried. The towels were too harsh on his skin, and his sheets weren’t any better, but he eventually dropped off, shivering the whole time. Maybe in the morning things would feel better.


	2. Chapter 2

Lev had lived off of take out and whatever he’d had in the house for the past month or so. He didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to look anyone in the eye. He felt like he’d been having an anxiety attack ever since his heat. His apartment was spotless from all the times he’d taken it apart and cleaned it up again. The whole place smelled like bleach. In the end he’d thrown out the clothes from before, even if he did mourn losing his favorite hoodie. 

He was getting tired of take out, though, and he needed to ease his anxiety, so he pulled on a hoodie and headed to the store. He could stock up on the necessities and be home in an hour and he could hide for another month or two. It wasn’t like he ate much anyway. 

Being in the open was nerve wracking. He was quite sure every pair of eyes were on him, but he just ducked his head and walked the three blocks to the store as quickly as he could. It was mid afternoon on a Thursday, so he didn’t have to fight the crowds. He puttered around, stocking up on fresh and frozen fruit, and grabbing himself two gallons of ice cream, just so he knew he didn’t have to come back any time soon. Canned soups were also an easy meal, and he stocked up on bread too. He could always freeze the extra loaves. 

He dithered as long as he could before he finally approached the last aisle. He looked for the first pregnancy test he could find and stuffed it in his cart. The sooner he took one the sooner he could relax. Not every heat with an alpha meant that an omega was knocked up. Lev knew that from experience. He just needed to be sure. 

He scooted down the aisle towards the registers. Freedom and safety was so close he could almost taste it. He might have made it too, if someone hadn’t chosen right that moment to round the corner. Lev stuttered out an apology, only to freeze as he met the alpha’s electric gaze.

“You,” the alpha said, more startled than anything else. “Lev, right?”

Lev flinched back anyway. “Y-yeah.”

“When you took off last month you scared me. I worried something happened, or I overstepped a boundary.”

Lev’s omega cringed. He’d upset Silas, and that wasn’t okay. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, I just... I had to go home. I had- I shouldn’t have. I-I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, calm down.” Silas reached for him, and he couldn’t help leaning into the touch. “I’m not mad. I just worried about you. You’re okay, right?”

Every instinct was screaming for Lev to grovel some more, but he bit his lip and just gave a small nod. “I’m fine. I just... needed some food,” he said lamely. He gestured at his cart, and then winced when he realized the pregnancy test was right on top of everything.

Silas followed the gesture, and a frown tugged at his lips. Lev flinched back automatically. Silas merely said, “You know, we didn’t... do anything. Unless you- no. There’s no way you can be pregnant, Lev.”

That was enough that Lev's omega practically begged for him to backpedal, but Lev managed to force himself to say, "I-I just have to know. To be sure. I've been so- i'm not ready for- I can't-"

"Hey. It's okay. I get it. Anxiety, yeah?" Silas smiled, and something eased in Lev's chest despite himself. "How much do you remember of last month, huh?"

"Barely anything," Lev admitted in a small voice. "I've never... had a heat like that."

Silas regarded him for a long moment before nodding once. "Well, it's no wonder you were worried about that then. You don't need it, but maybe it's a good thing you take it anyway. Ease your mind, yeah?"

"Yeah," Lev said faintly, trying to read Silas' mood.

"Come on, then. You got everything you came for? Yeah? Great." Silas ruffled Lev's hair, and then gestured for him to lead the way. 

Lev obeyed automatically, and didn't consider how awkward this was until he realized that Silas was following him all the way to the register. He kept quiet unless Silas asked him a question, letting Silas do most of the talking rather than risk upsetting him again. He wasn't able to stop Silas from paying, either.

"I have money," he tried. 

"What a coincidence, so do I." Silas nudged him out of the way with a determined enough look that Lev caved almost instantly. What was the point? Making a scene would only make his anxiety worse.

Silas gathered up most of his bags once he’d paid. “Where to?”

Lev flinched. Now the alpha wanted to go home with him? He plucked at his sleeve, swinging wildly between wanting to ask for his groceries and wanting to please Silas. “Down the block,” he finally said, feeling smaller and smaller the longer Silas stared at him.

“Hey. You know it’s not like that, right?” Silas furrowed his brows. 

Lev shook his head, but he led the way anyway, before Silas could protest. How could it not be like that? Alphas had their instincts too. Lev knew that, had learned that the hard way years ago. Better just to roll with it and make sure his locks worked when Silas left.

Silas was quiet on the walk back. If the strong scents of cleaners bothered him, he didn’t comment as he set the bags down on Lev’s counters. Lev hesitated only a moment before he started unloading the food. 

“Are you hungry?” Lev blurted.

Silas blinked. “I could eat. You don’t have to cook for me.”

Lev fumbled the can of tomatoes in his hands. “I’d feel better if I did.” It was true. Silas had paid for the food, he was still there, and Lev had to defer to the alpha in the room, he had to. It was part of why he hadn’t moved back in with his grandmother after...

“Lev, you really don’t have to. I can head out if you’d like. I really was just trying to be nice.”

“Please,” Lev said, ducking his chin submissively. “It won’t take long. Do you like pasta?” If he left out the meat, spaghetti wouldn’t take too long. He still had a jar of sauce in there somewhere, and he could add some herbs and noodles didn’t take long, and...

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s fine Lev. You want me to wait here or on the couch?” Silas sounded concerned again. Somehow Lev had fucked up, clearly.

Lev squeezed his eyes shut. “Wherever you want,” he said. “The TV remote is in the drawer of the end table.”

When he opened his eyes again, he was alone in the kitchen. He sucked in a steadying breath, and almost immediately regretted it. The scent of alpha was still strong. He’d have to scrub everything when Silas left. 

Lev rushed through making the pasta. How long had it been since he’d had an alpha in his house? Not long enough. He was shaking, and he hated it, and... and...

“Hey.” Silas had crept up on him. Lev couldn’t help the little sigh that escaped him when Silas pressed his fingers to the small of his back. “Breathe. You really don’t need to make anything for me.”

His touch helped, damn the stupid instincts. Damn his omega too, for whining for more. He vaguely remembered the comfort Silas had offered during his heat, but that was just hormones. Remi had been a comfort during heats too. Usually. 

“Lev. Seriously. Can I take over?” Silas tugged Lev away from the stove by the belt loops. “I want to.” 

And what an alpha wanted, they got. Lev hunched his shoulders, and let Silas set him on the bar stool nearest them. “I’m sorry,” Lev mumbled. 

“I like cooking.” Silas shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’m the one who invaded your home.”

Lev stared at him. It was an omega’s job to keep the alpha happy, right? So why wasn’t Lev being allowed to do so? He must have done something wrong. He kept making missteps. And he didn’t even want to be taking any steps. Tears pricked his eyes. The whole situation was ridiculous, and out of his control. This was why he never left his apartment. 

Silas turned around. “You okay?”

Lev burst into tears, burying his face in his hands. No, he wasn’t okay. He was stressed and overwhelmed and he had a strange alpha in his kitchen. “I’m sorry,” he gasped out.

“You don’t have to be.” Silas was behind him now, pulling him close until he was half off the stool. “You haven’t done anything wrong.” 

Lev waited for the inevitable order to calm down, but Silas just held him, rubbing his back and letting him sob into his shirt until Lev was able to take normal breaths again. Silas’ scent was all around him and all over him, and Lev was pretty sure he’d gotten snot on Silas’ shirt, but Silas didn’t seem bothered. 

“Better?” he asked instead.

Lev nodded, hiccuping once. Silas’ hand on his back was a steady, firm weight, and he didn’t want to move. "I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's alright. Emotions can be a bitch. You should have seen me at the movies last week. One of the dogs died, and I bawled like a baby." Silas patted Lev on the back. "Can I go check on the noodles now?"

"Yeah." Lev said, scrubbing at his cheeks. "I'm fine."

"Sure you are." Silas chucked him under his chin.

Lev watched Silas move around his kitchen, a flush spreading across his cheeks as he realized just how silly he was being. He rubbed his eyes again, sniffing hard. 

Silas set a plate down in front of him. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Dinner yesterday," Lev admitted reluctantly. 

"Lev. Its four in the afternoon." 

The scandalised horror in Silas' face made Lev's omega squirm in shame. "I'm sorry," he said faintly. "I forgot to."

"Eat," Silas said firmly. "No wonder you're so upset. Blood sugar or whatever. It's a thing. Eat."

Lev waited until Silas had a plate of his own in his hands, and then he dug in. He  _ was _ hungry, but he really had forgotten to eat. At least Silas was eating with the same enthusiasm. Lev kept an eye on him the entire time, but if Silas noticed he didn't say a word. 

When he finished Lev bit back the instinctual, "May I be excused?" and slid off the stool so he could load his plate in the dishwasher. Silas didn't protest when he took Silas' empty plate too. 

"Thanks for dinner. Saves me the trouble of finding something to eat before going out tonight." Silas' smile was genuine, and so were his words. Lev had no idea how to respond; Silas had done most of the cooking. 

When he looked up again, Silas was leaning against the counter. “I really should get going, and since I need to bail, I figured I should ask the question I meant to ask when I walked you home.”

Lev paused, before pushing the dishwasher closed. 

“Can I take you out to dinner on Friday?”

That wasn’t what Lev expected. He stared at Silas for several moments. “Like a..."

"A date. Though it doesn't have to be. It can just be friends. I know we had a rather unconventional meeting but I  _ would _ like to get to know you better." Silas regarded him, and then added in a softer tone, "Just dinner. I'm not expecting anything else from you."

Lev stared a bit longer. "W-what time? Where?"

"You don't strike me as the type to let me stick you in a fancy restaurant on the first date, so I figured that diner down the street? Burgers and milkshakes and real close to home, so you don't have to go far for comfort food. Yeah?" Silas grinned, and then added, "Oh, and does seven work for you? I'll pick you up."

"Yeah," Lev found himself saying. "Yeah, okay." 

"Sweet. I'll see you then. And Lev? I know you still need to check, but I promise nothing happened during your heat." Silas tapped the pregnancy test that Lev had almost forgotten about. "You'll be okay. You have nothing to worry about."

Lev nodded. He didn't know why he believed Silas, but he did. He was still taking the test when Silas was gone though. 

And he did. He was pretty sure he didn't breathe until he saw the results. 

Negative. 

~~

Friday came too soon. Lev had no idea what Silas expected of him, what to wear, how to act, and he cried at least twice before he decided all he needed was his hoodie and some loose jeans. He didn't  _ want _ to be looked at. He just wanted to... he wanted to go, but he wanted this anxiety part of this  _ over _ .

A knock on the door came too soon. He snatched up his converse and bolted for the door. 

"I'm sorry," Lev gasped out, hopping on one foot to get his shoe on. "Seven came faster than I thought."

"Hey, don't worry about it." Silas was also in jeans, much to Lev's relief. He reached out to steady Lev, brows furrowing. "We have time. I'm a little early."

Lev's movements slowed. "You are?" A glance over his shoulder confirmed it.

"I'm an impatient man. I didn't mean to rush you. Just wanted to see you sooner rather than later."

His smile was too genuine for Lev to disbelieve him. A flush crept across Lev's cheeks as he finished tying his shoes. "Well. I'm here. I mean, I'm ready."

"Then shall we go?" Silas offered Lev his hand. Lev took it, but only after locking the apartment door behind him. Silas set off at a brisk pace, leaving Lev to trot at his side until Silas noticed. "Sorry, little guy. Too excited, I guess. You have a favorite milkshake flavor?"

"Strawberry," Lev answered automatically. "Why?"

"Well the whole point was burgers and milkshakes," Silas said. "I was curious."

"No, I meant... why are you so excited?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I like you, Lev."

Lev looked down, and Silas didn't push him. Instead he held the door of the diner for him, and let Lev pick what booth they sat at. Silas surprised him by sitting beside him instead of across, but Lev didn't want to complain.

"You know what you want?" Silas asked.

"Just a burger," Lev mumbled.

Silas nodded thoughtfully. "Simple. Classic. A good choice."

Lev couldn't help his snort of amusement. He immediately went perfectly still, flicking a glance up at Silas, but he saw no anger there. Silas instead was smiling up at the waitress, a pretty beta who handed them both a menu.

"Y'all know what you want or do you need another minute?"

"I think I want the double bacon cheeseburger, and a large chocolate milkshake." Silas twisted to look expectantly at Lev.

It took Lev a second to realize he expected Silas to order. "Just a plain burger," Lev said faintly.

"And a strawberry milkshake," Silas added. 

"Coming right up," the waitress said brightly.

Once she was gone, Silas peered down at Lev. "You okay?" His thumb brushed Lev's cheek.

"Yeah." Lev considered his words carefully, and then added, "Just adjusting."

"What, to me?" Silas gave a laugh. "Alright, that's fair. I'm getting the feeling you havent been around a liberal alpha much."

Lev ducked his head. He didn't know what to say, and that seemed the safest course of action. 

"Hey," Silas said. "You don't have to be afraid of me. I won't make you do anything you don't want."

Lev frowned at the table. Silas had the right to, though. As an alpha. Remi had always said- 

Lev could feel his shoulders hunching as he did his best to push thoughts of Remi away. Bad, to let those memories creep up on him. Especially now. He had no way to explain, no  _ want _ to explain, why he was tensing up and shutting down.

Silas eased an arm around his shoulders. As Lev let himself be tugged close, he closed his eyes. There was something about Silas that was comforting, and Lev couldn’t bring himself to care that his faintly cedar scent would linger for days after this. He was left to process in silence, though Silas rubbed his arm comfortingly. It kept him from forgetting Silas was there, but it also kept him from disappearing into memories he didn’t want to see.

When the food arrived, Silas lifted his arm to let Lev scoot over so they could eat. Lev was still fussing with the ketchup bottle when Silas let out a downright filthy moan. Lev jumped, splattering himself with ketchup in the process, and stared up at Silas.

"Sorry," Silas mumbled around a large bite. "I think I've found my favorite diner."

Lev pawed at this hoodie with a napkin, trying not to seem distressed. He could wash it at home, but he felt very foolish for making a mess. With a sigh, he shrugged out of his jacket so he could get at the spot better.

“I’ll get it dry cleaned if you want,” Silas offered.

“It’s just a hoodie.” Lev glanced up. “I’ve got a washing machine.”

“Alright, fair enough.” Silas nodded at his plate. “Eat. I get the feeling you don’t eat enough.” Silas paused, and then said innocently, “It’d make me happy to see you eat.”

Lev knew damn well he was being manipulated, but he took a bite anyway. And another, when he realized he was hungry. He knew Silas was looking at him proudly, so he didn't look up again. Silas nudged the milkshake at him after a moment.

Lev almost hated how good it was. Now he felt guilty about not eating. He'd disappointed Silas. He knew if his grandmother knew she'd be disappointed. That was two alphas he was disappointed. He was a bad omega. Terrible, awful.

"Thank you," Silas said softly. 

Lev blinked, startled into looking up. Silas meant it, and that hurt. Couldn't he tell how bad Lev was at being an omega? If he could he didn't seem to care. He just stroked Lev's cheek and smiled. 

Lev finished his burger in silence, and then went at his milkshake with a single minded determination. Not even two gulps in he was shivering, but Silas just dropped his own jacket over Lev's shoulders.

"We're going to have to do this again sometime," Silas declared abruptly. "This is really good, and I like being with you."

"But I haven't said anything?" Lev blurted.

"Maybe I like the strong silent type."

"I'm not strong."

Silas looked down at him. "I barely know you, but I know that's not true. No one can look that sad and still get out of bed and not be strong as hell."

Lev went as pink as his milkshake. Rather than reply he went back to drinking his milkshake. The cold leached into his hands where he had them wrapped around the glass, chilling him, but Silas' heavy leather jacket was surprisingly warm. 

Even with the bigger burger and a full shake Silas beat Lev to finishing. He didn't seem in any hurry, and Lev almost missed that Silas was done, if he hadn't reached across to start stealing fries from Lev's plate.

He wouldn't let Lev pay, and he waved off both Lev's thanks and his apologies. "It's my pleasure," he insisted. "I had fun. Don't forget your jacket. Come on, let's walk annoyingly slowly back to your apartment."

Silas was so full of energy. Lev could barely keep up. There was little reason to get out and about, and Lev didn't do much even inside. He was tired, and thin, and sleepy from eating more than he was used to. Of course he was always having to take a third step for every two Silas made, even though Silas had joked about going slow.

By the time they made it home Lev was flushed, and definitely ready to drop, but Silas had managed to make him laugh with something or other that he'd said. Silas seemed to take that as the ultimate win, and was looking very pleased with himself. He was unlike any alpha Lev had ever known.

"So I don't think I can wait another week to see you. Would it be alright if I picked you up for coffee tomorrow? Say around eleven?" Silas raised his eyebrows hopefully. 

Lev blinked. "I... I guess?"

"You can say no," Silas said, serious for once. "I feel like I'm rushing you and I want you to be comfortable."

A half hysterical laugh came from Lev. "I don't know if I've ever been comfortable in my life," he blurted.

"Well, then, that's my goal." There was a stubborn set to Silas' jaw, and his blue eyes glinted fiercely. 

"Ten-thirty," Lev said quietly. 

"What?"

"Pick me up at ten-thirty." Lev pursed his lips and fought the impulse to look away.

The way Silas' face lit up was worth it. "Yeah. Yeah I can do that. Can I kiss you?"

That was out of left field. Lev nodded without thinking about it, and then Silas ducked down. His fingers tilted Lev's chin up, and his mouth was warm and soft. The kiss was chaste and sweet and then Silas pulled back. 

"Goodnight Lev. See you in the morning."

Lev watched him go before he went inside. Only when he leaned against his door, locking it for the night, did he realize he was still wearing Silas' jacket. He panicked for a moment, realizing he didn't even have Silas' number to let him know. It took him a few seconds to remember he was seeing Silas tomorrow. He could hand it over then. For now? It was comfy, and it smelled good, so he curled up on the couch and fell asleep wrapped up in it. 

It was the best damn sleep he'd had in weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm heads up for some smuttish tomfoolery.

He overslept. Silas’ knocking on the door woke him. He bolted upright, eyes wide and jacket puddled around his waist, and it took him far too long to scramble to the door and unlock it.

Silas looked down at him, a bemused smile on his face. “Did I wake you?”

“Yes. I’m so sorry, alph- Silas. I just- I fell asleep as soon as I got home and I didn’t set an alarm, and I never sleep this late. I’m sorry. You left your jacket.” Lev thrust the jacket at Silas.

“It’s fine. What’d you do, sleep on it?” Silas shrugged it on, sniffing once.

“Yes. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Lev rubbed his face. “I don’t usually sleep in, I promise.”

“Hey. I said it was fine. Why don’t you go get dressed? I can wait.”

“I’m sorry I keep apologizing,” Lev tried, backing away. “I- habit.”

"It's alright. I can wait on the couch." 

Lev hesitated, before nodding once, and darting into the bedroom. He wiggled into some clean pants and went looking for a clean sweatshirt. When he reappeared, Silas was indeed sitting on the couch, looking around curiously. 

Old instinct nearly had Lev flopping into Silas lap and burying his face in Silas' neck, but he pulled himself to a stop before he could. Ever since his heat, his omega had been restless, demanding, whiney. He wasn't about to let it make him do something overly familiar like that. There was no need to give Silas ideas, or presume Silas wanted anything. As much as his omega wanted Silas all over him, he wasn't sure yet if that was what Silas wanted, or even what  _ he _ wanted. Lev had never known an alpha to not make a pass at him, and here Silas was, calmly perched on his couch, after spending Lev's heat with him of all things, and at worst he was a little enthusiastic with touching Lev's face or handing out hugs. He wasn't staking a claim and he wasn't trying for anything but a smile, something Lev felt terribly for failing to deliver half the time.

"I'm starting to detect a theme," Silas said knowingly. "A very Lev theme. I'm going to peek in your closet at some point. Not today though. We have coffee to drink."

Silas was up and on his feet faster than Lev thought possible, and then Lev found himself being dragged from the apartment with enthusiasm that Lev couldn't help but find endearing. 

Lev was coming to find that there were a lot of nice places not far from his apartment. He was starting to realize that might be why his grandmother chose it. Not two blocks in the opposite direction of the diner was a cozy little cafe, full of overstuffed couches and armchairs and varying kinds of coffee tables. The whole place had a warm, welcoming feel to it.

Silas rocked back on his heels, peering up at the handwritten menu on the chalkboard that stretched behind the counter. "What kind of coffee do you like?"

Lev felt his face go red. "I... I don't actually like coffee," he admitted, guilt surging.

Silas was unphased. "Want some tea then? Or cocoa? They don't just serve coffee here, I promise."

The utter dismissal of Lev's slip up startled Lev. It took him a few seconds but he finally said, uncertainly, "Cocoa would be nice. No whipped cream?"

Silas nodded, and relayed his order to the barista, even though he was right there, and ordered a plain black cup of coffee for himself. He also paid for several large muffins, looking pleased with himself.

They ended up on a loveseat tucked in the back corner. Lev held onto his cocoa like it was a lifeline. He was hyper aware of Silas right beside him, a solid, familiar warmth he wanted to lean into. Wanted, but refused to. 

"As much as I enjoy your presence, I think it's time we got to the important questions."

Lev winced, looking up at Silas pleadingly. He didn't want to ruin what they had, whatever it was, and important questions sounded intimidating. 

"What's your favorite color?" Silas asked seriously. 

Lev blinked at him. "....Silver?"

Silas regarded him gravely. "A good choice. I'm partial to blue myself. Cats or dogs?"

"Both...? But if I  _ have _ to choose...dogs?"

"A man after my own heart," Silas said dramatically, before taking a sip of hsi coffee.

Lev found himself tracing the rim of his cup. It was such a little thing, that Silas called him a man. He was, no doubt about that, but he was only now realizing how often he had been referred to as an omega first, and a man second, if at all.

"Right. Favorite movie genre?"

Lev's ears went pink. "Romance? Or comedy."

"What about a romantic comedy? You ever seen the princess bride?"

Lev shook his head. 

"A travesty! We'll have to remedy that one day." Silas hummed thoughtfully. "Favorite video game?"

"I don't play," Lev admitted.

"We'll have to remedy that too."

And so it went. Silas pried answers out of him with remarkable patience, asking about favorite movies, foods, places, anything and everything. Lev didn't get the chance to stop talking, and eventually he found himself talking freely, snuggled into Silas' side with his head on Silas' shoulder and the comforting scent of alpha in his nose.

Silas talked him into eating two muffins during all this, and he finished his cocoa. By the time he checked his phone for the time, it was almost two in the afternoon. 

"Where does the time fly?" Silas asked. "You wanna head out?"

Lev hesitated, before nodding. This was... the longest he'd spent socializing in a long time, and he was feeling drained. Silas seemed to know this, because he let the silence stretch comfortably between them. He didn't touch Lev, didn't press for anything. And... Lev found he was happy with it. With all of this. Whatever this was. 

They got back to his apartment too soon. Lev didn't know how to try to linger without seeming needy, but it seemed Silas was a step ahead of him.

"Can I have your number?" Silas asked, startling Lev with how close he was now that they were at Lev's door.

Lev nodded mutely and pulled out his phone. When he handed it over, Silas stared down at his contacts for a moment, before grumbling and pulling out his own.

"Four years and I still can't remember my own damn number," he admitted. "There. I'm in there and I sent myself a text so I have yours, too. I'm kinda busy tomorrow, family stuff, but I'll let you know when I'm free again and we can see where our schedules match, yeah?"

"Yeah," Lev said automatically. 

"Can I kiss you again?"

Heat rose in Lev's cheeks, but he nodded, maybe with a bit too much enthusiasm. He let himself be crowded against the door, and the merest touch of Silas' fingers was enough to get him to tip his chin up.

This time Silas wasn't going for chaste. His tongue was in Lev's mouth the moment he coaxed Lev open. After a beat of hesitation Lev kissed back, getting into it pretty quick, until he was on his toes with his hands clinging to Silas' jacket like Silas might fly away. The door was solid against his back as Silas pressed close. Lev couldn't help the little moan that came from him as Silas kissed him.

He almost chased Silas down when Silas pulled away, catching himself at the last moment. Good omegas took what they got and didn't complain. It was only as Silas stared down at him, unmoving, that Lev realized he was hard, and he could feel slick between his legs. That, more than anything, brought his thoughts to a screaming halt. 

"Was that alright?" Silas asked.

Lev couldn't find his voice. In the end he nodded.

"Do you want more?"

Yes. No. He wanted, ached,  _ needed _ , but god, the cost was too much. He couldn't pay it. He swallowed a whine, and closed his eyes.

"You want me to back off?"

Lev nodded once. "I can't-"

"I know," Silas said softly. He leaned close, and pressed a kiss to Lev's forehead. "I understand."

Lev blinked his eyes open, forcing himself to let go of Silas' jacket, one finger at a time. "Sorry," he said faintly.

"It's alright. Here. Why don't you hang onto this?" Silas shrugged out of his jacket, holding it out until Lev took it from him. "You can give it back whenever I can come over again. Yeah?"

"Okay," Lev said, voice still small. Without thinking about it he clutched the leather close. Silas' scent clung to it. 

"I'll text you soon, yeah?" Silas pressed another kiss to Lev's forehead. "I had fun. Don't forget to eat for me, okay?"

As soon as Lev nodded he was gone. Twice Lev fumbled with his keys before he managed to get inside. He still felt flushed.  _ Horny _ . He wasn't sure if he liked that, not after... 

He tossed the jacket over his pillows and flopped down on the end of the bed. The ghost of Silas’ kiss lingered, and Lev couldn’t forget how it felt to have Silas leaning against him. It didn’t help that he could still smell Silas’ scent. 

With a soft groan Lev gave up, wiggling out of his pants. There was enough slick between his legs that he didn’t even need to get up for the lube. Since he was still hard, it didn’t take long for him to start moaning softly. He spread his legs wider, pushing two fingers in. It wasn't the most elegant thing, fingering himself, but he didn't have anyone else to do it, and he missed the stretch. Needed it. If he let himself he could almost pretend it was Silas spreading him open and jerking him to completion, and he could almost enjoy the idea.

When he came it took him by surprise. He closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath. After a few moments he sat up long enough to clean up his mess. After that he crawled up to his pillows. If he buried his face in the jacket Silas had left with him, well, Lev couldn’t be blamed for that.

~~

Lev managed to get clothes on again by the next day. He even managed to get up, shower, and have breakfast before eleven. He was only a little ashamed that he carried the jacket with him as he wandered the house. He made lunch, and then immediately started on putting together a casserole. If he got that made he wouldn't have to make dinner for days. As he worked he munched on carrots, Silas' plea that he eat still hovering in the back of his mind. 

He nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone vibrated. It took him several seconds to calm down and look at the phone to see it was a text from Silas.

**Silas:** can i come over

**Silas:** family stuff is done 4the day

**Silas:** miss u

Lev blinked. It took him a few seconds, but he picked up the phone and replied.

**Me:** sure. When?

**Silas** : is now okay?

Lev blinked again. He sent another okay, and then turned back to his casserole. Not a second later the door opened, and Silas walked in. “Don’t worry about me,” Silas grumbled, setting down his bag before throwing himself on the couch. “Carry on.”

Lev stared for a moment, and then turned back to his casserole again. He knocked a spoon off the counter twice and spilled the peas, but he got the casserole done, and stuck it in the fridge to cook later. He cleaned up his mess, and then shuffled into the living room. Silas was still sprawled on the couch, arm over his eyes. He only peeked when Lev stopped by his head. He reached out, pulling Lev down on top of him. 

“Stay? For a minute? My dad’s a dick and I need a damn hug.”

Lev, finding himself sprawled on Silas’ chest, couldn’t bring himself to deny Silas. When Silas rested his chin on Lev’s head, Lev relaxed. He couldn’t help it. There was something comforting about Silas’ scent. It helped that Silas was rubbing Lev’s back, plucking at the jacket.

“You really like that jacket, hmm?”

“It’s warm.”

“Indeed it is. Looks good on you.” Silas pressed his nose to Lev’s hair. “Have I told you that you smell good?” He sniffed deliberately. “Like... vanilla. And cinnamon. Why on earth do you smell like a bakery or something?” He dug his fingers playfully in Lev’s side. “Is it cus you’re so sweet?”

Lev squirmed, squeaking. “Stooop.”

“My God, Lev, are you ticklish?” Silas tried again, and got a elbow to the gut for his troubles. He grabbed for Lev, kept him from falling off. “Something to abuse later, I think.”

“You’re mean,” Lev mumbled into his chest.

“Maybe, just a bit. You like it though.”

Lev grumbled. He liked the sound of Silas’ laugh under his ear though. "Why'd you come over?" He finally asked.

Silas' chuckles died. "My dad thinks i'm getting a bit old to be running around, partying and not looking for a mate. I think I'm young enough, yet. Besides. I don't like anyone he's ever tried to pair with me."

"What's wrong with them?" Lev asked slowly.

"They just... theres no life to them. Nothing interesting. I want a partner, not a maid. You know? Someone I can talk to, not just get a meek, 'yes, alpha,' every time I say or ask something." 

So he wanted someone entirely different from Lev. Lev tried to swallow his disappointment, and tucked his chin close to his chest so Silas couldn't read his expression. It was stupid thing to get upset about, anyway. He didn't want a mate. Alphas were more stress than they were worth. And yet... and yet Lev's omega whined at the idea of Silas taking another mate, whined and cried until Lev felt downright miserable. 

"Oh, hey," Silas said. "I brought some video games. And my xbox. Wanna play?"

Lev nodded and sat up, scooting to the other end of the couch as Silas got up to start hooking things up to the TV. The controller handed to him was foreign. Silas flopped beside him easy as breathing. 

“So how much experience did you say you have?”

“None,” Lev said, pushing a few buttons. 

“Right.” Silas settled more comfortably. “Guess I have plenty to teach you.”

~~

Silas plopped his plate down on the coffee table. “That was delicious.”

He’d let Lev get up and pop the casserole in, and had eaten a large helping. And then another. Lev’s omega was preening at that, enough that Lev didn’t mind that he no longer had enough for several dinners. Silas liked it, and that was enough for Lev for now. 

Silas tugged Lev close. “Don't let me stop you from eating,” Silas said sternly, even as he got Lev settled in his lap. Lev shot him a look, even as he tucked his cheek against Silas’ shoulder. “What channels ‘ve you got?”

“Netflix,” Lev said. He wiggled until he got the tv remote, and handed it over. “Pick whatever you want.” He poked at his plate.

Silas hummed softly. “I think I’ve got a good one.” 

Lev, who really couldn’t care less, snuggled close. The movie didn’t matter. He was just happy to have Silas’ arms around him while he finished off his casserole. He wasn’t sure what Silas had picked, but it didn’t matter. Once he was done, Silas wiggled until he was stretched out on the couch, and it didn’t take long for the alpha to fall asleep beneath Lev. After some debate, Lev decided not to move until the movie was over. Best not to wake him up, right?

Only once the movie was done did he slide off. Silas stirred a little, grumbling. Lev’s omega wanted him to curl right back up, but Lev turned away and padded off to the bedroom. Better to not.

~~

Silas woke up on someone’s couch to the smell of bacon. His father didn’t cook breakfast. He sat up, blinking. Lev was puttering around the kitchen. Silas pushed himself up further, watching the sway of the omega’s hips. It was tempting to walk over and wrap his arms around Lev, but he didn’t want to scare him, so Silas gave a loud yawn to Lev know he was awake. 

Lev still jumped, but it was a little jump, so Silas took it as a win. He stood up, wandering over. “Smells good,” he said lightly. Lev’s soft, pleased shiver didn’t escape his notice when Silas touched the small of his back. “You didn’t have to make breakfast, you know?”

“I wanted to. You wanted me to eat more...”

Silas laughed before Lev could crumple in on himself. He liked that little streak of sass, even if Lev tried to bury it. Silas leaned close, dropping a kiss on Lev’s cheek. He was rewarded with a very pretty blush. “I did, didn't I? Don’t I?”

“I need to flip the pancakes.”

“Right. I shouldn’t keep you from that. Where do you keep your plates again?” Silas knew he shouldn’t, but he slid a hand down to cup Lev’s ass just for a second. The look Lev gave him was enough to send him shuffling off to find plates and forks like he’d claimed. The wide eyed look of shock was sweet and all but he didn’t want to actually give Lev a heart attack.

He even set the table, got it all done by the time Lev was done cooking. Lev had gone all out, as Silas was beginning to suspect was Lev's default. Silas wasn't complaining though. The food was good, and Silas was always hungry. Besides, Lev seemed to eat more the longer Silas ate. Silas didn't want to jinx himself, but Lev seemed to be gaining weight, at least a little. 

"I'm gonna have to kidnap you," Silas said regretfully. "Your cooking is too good."

Lev stared at him, eyes wide and fork halfway to his mouth. The fear on his face was real enough Silas winced.

"That was a joke, Lev. I was kidding."

Lev flushed. "Oh."

Silas flicked his nose. “I’m not gonna make you do anything you don’t want, Lev. Promise. A single no is enough for me.”

Lev looked down. Silas hated the disbelief in his face. There was no real way to convince him without proof. Silas supposed he’d just have to prove himself. Eventually. 

“So what do you think about museums?”

Lev considered that. “I went to one in the eighth grade.” 

Silas didn’t like the pause, but he waited Lev out. 

"I presented two weeks later, lasted a month in school before my grandmother decided it was best I be homeschooled. Kids are stressful."

Silas could believe it. He took a few more bites before he said, "We don't have to do a museum."

Lev poked at his plate. "I think... I think I'd like it... with you." He swallowed hard. "Not today though...?"

"Fair enough. Not today. Wanna have a lazy day? I'll find a way to stream the princess bride, maybe some other classic movies, if you'd like." Silas paused. "Or I can go home. This is your house.”

“No. Don’t go.” Lev spoke quickly, fast enough Silas was surprised.

“Why Lev, are you saying you like me?” Silas teased, and was rewarded with Lev blushing deeply. “I’m very likable, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Lev shook his head, and stood to clear the table. “You have no lack of self confidence, Silas.”

“You can borrow some, if you like. I figure you could use some.”

Lev shot him another look, but he didn’t reply. Silas watched him clean up for a few minutes, knowing his help would be unwelcome. He got up to pick out a movie, some mindless action movie that he knew Lev would have no real interest in. The moment Lev was close, Silas pulled him down. He had no intention of watching the movie, not really. It took a few minutes of coaxing and questioning looks but he got Lev settled underneath him.

It was heady, the scent of omega in his nose and Lev blinking sweetly up at him. When he ducked down for a kiss, Lev met him eagerly. He was still wearing Silas' jacket, tucked underneath him for now, and Silas' alpha was more than a little pleased at how his scent lingered on Lev's skin. He could taste the maple syrup on Lev's tongue and the way Lev leaned into his touch sent little smug sparks of pleasure through him. He was pretty sure he could do this all day.

They did, too. Off and on, between movies and naps, they made out like teenagers, and silas loved every damn minute of it. Sometimes he'd wake up to Lev's fingers in his hair. Sometimes he'd get bored and wake Lev up with little well placed kisses. Sometimes he'd just let Lev cling, relishing the feeling of knowing the omega trusted him enough to do so.

All in all it was a good fucking day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up for some smuttish tomfoolery in this chapter too

Silas didn't spend the night again. Lev wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved. There was a stressful amount of comfort in Silas' presence, and Lev didn't know how he felt about the dependence he was already building. Silas made him feel safe, but how safe was that feeling? What if Silas got bored? What if Silas was in it for the long con?

None of his doubts had stopped him from eagerly agreeing to let Silas come over every day. He had let Silas kiss him, missed when Silas' hands weren't under his shirt, and he found himself watching more TV than he had in ages. How could he say no?

This was his first day on his own in a week, and he had been restless and hungry enough that he ventured out to the store again. Not only was he getting food that wasn't just for cooking meals, he was indulging in a sweet tooth he had almost forgotten he had.

He even allowed himself a little fun, coasting along on the back of the cart when he thought he was alone. Maybe he'd get some nutella. He wanted some apples, and maybe some raspberries. If he found some overripe bananas he could make some banana bread. Did Silas like banana bread? Lev hoped so. He did like baking more than cooking.

Lev almost ran into someone. He was making a habit of it, he realized, drawing up short and tamping down his excitement. It was for the best, he realized, when he recognized that familiar hazel gaze.

Vehuel's nostrils flared. "Levant."

Lev straightened before he could think about it, gaze dropping automatically. Omegas didn't need to make eye contact unless it was requested. Omegas were ready to listen always. Omegas-

He flinched back, forced himself to look to the side, debating the escape routes. Vehuel didn't even get to say anything in his perpetually bored voice. Lev took off, bolting too fast for Vehuel to call him back. Damn his groceries, he needed to be safe before he was fed.

There was no conscious decision. He just needed to get away. He was surprised when he found himself outside Silas' apartment. The door was locked, and no one answered when he knocked, so he slid down until he could curl up against the door. Breathing was hard, and it was equally because of running and the panic fluttering in his chest.

He was still sitting there, crying softly when Silas got home half an hour later. 

"Lev, what- jeez. What happened?"

Lev looked up. Silas was crouched in front of him. Even through his tears Lev could see the shadow of a bruise across Silas' jaw. He touched it with feather light fingers, trying to calm down enough to answer. In the end he took the hand Silas offered to him and let himself be pulled inside. 

He wouldn't explain, could not, knew voicing why Vehuel was such a stressor would break whatever he had built around himself. He didn't ask Silas about his own unhappy look, and instead just crawled into Silas' lap and let himself cry it out. He was safe here. Remi didn't know where Silas lived. And he'd run in the opposite direction of his apartment, so Remi  _ definitely  _ didn't know where Lev lived.

Silas had his hand under Lev's shirt by the time he calmed down. It was soothing, having Silas rubbing his side, holding him close. Some of the tension had eased from Silas too. The bruise was still there, but he didn't look as upset when Lev tilted his head and stole a kiss.

"I had an idea," Silas finally said, thumbing away the last of Lev's tears. "I think we both deserve a dinner you didn't have to make. You own a suit?"

Lev had to think for a moment, but he nodded eventually.

"Give me fifteen minutes to call in a favor and we can go out tonight. How does that sound?"

Lev hesitated. He'd been out once today and run into Vehuel. Did he really want to risk another encounter? But he didn't want to disappoint Silas and he felt safe tucked in Silas' arms. He nodded in the end.

Sils didn’t make him get up while he made the reservations. Lev took the chance to calm down, closing his eyes and listening to Silas’ voice without paying attention to what he was saying. Once the phone call was over, Silas tucked his cheek against Levs hair, breathing deep.

“We’ve got a couple hours. You wanna go home and get changed?”

Lev nodded slowly. He slid off Silas' lap, and stood awkwardly until Silas returned. Silas definitely cleaned up nice, and Lev was afraid of staring too much. 

The ride back to the house was quiet, but Silas kept a hold of Lev’s hand the whole way. He only let go when Lev had to duck into his room to get changed. It’d been just long enough he wasn’t sure if the suit would fit, but it did. He poked his head out of the bedroom, and found Silas watching the doorway intently for him to show. He blushed deeply, especially as Silas stood and made his way over.

“You look amazing,” Silas said, touching Lev’s cheek lightly. “I really wanna fuck you when we got home.”

Heat shot through Lev, and he opened his mouth to say something, but when nothing came out Silas took his hand and led him back downstairs to the car. He was hyper aware of Silas beside him the whole ride to the restaurant. 

Lev didn't realize Silas really had meant it when he said they needed suits until he saw the restaurant Silas pulled up to. 

"Silas..."

"You're not supposed to worry. This is supposed to be something fun, yeah?" Silas paused, and then his brows furrowed. "We don't have to though. We can go home. No strings attached, whatever you want."

Lev glanced at the restaurant, and then back to Silas. This was fine. He was fine. He closed his eyes. "I don't want to go home. But... this place... it looks expensive."

"And I've got money. More than I know what to do with. Let me spoil you. It makes me happy."

And Lev couldn't fight with that. Wasn't sure he wanted to. He got out when Silas did, and let Silas take his hand. 

Silas offered him a smile when he caught Lev staring. "Chin up, yeah? It'll be fun. You like wine?"

"I don't drink," Lev admitted as he followed Silas inside. He had to fight the impulse to hide behind Silas when the hostess greeted them. She was a perfectly polite beta, and she wasn't staring, but Lev felt like he wanted to sink into the floor.

Silas didn't seem bothered. "We had a reservation," he said, adding his last name, which Liz still hasn't picked out. He glanced down at Lev. "Like, don't drink because you haven't had the chance, or don't drink don't drink? I know how weird people can get with omegas drinking."

"Don't drink. Makes me sick."

"Huh. More for me, I suppose." Silas pressed his hand to the small of Lev’s back to guide him where he wanted Lev to go. They ended up tucked in a back corner, plenty far from anyone else. “So what  _ is _ your go to drink? Non alcoholic drink.” He pulled Lev’s chair out for him.

Lev sat down, and was relieved when Silas sat down beside him, not across. “Water?”

Silas burst out laughing, but he quickly smothered the sound. Lev wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed. He didn't want attention on them, but... he did like the sound of Silas' laugh. He liked it a lot.

"I'm not surprised. At least I don't need to fuss at you to stay hydrated, huh." Silas looked up as the waiter appeared. His hand found Lev's as he smiled. "Just two waters. And could you put them in wine glasses? Thanks."

Lev decided not to ask. He opened the menu Silas had passed him, and blinked. 

“See anything you like?” Silas asked lightly.

“I don’t... know.” Lev glanced at Silas. “I guess-”

“If you say the cheapest thing I will buy the most expensive just to be spiteful.” Silas leaned over despite having his own menu, and poked at something. “How do you feel about fish?”

“It’s alright. Silas, I don’t really have any preferences.” Lev glanced up at Silas.

“Well, then think of it this way.” Silas looked smug. “It’s not the most expensive on this itty bitty menu, and it’s not the least expensive. Compromise, yeah?”

Lev frowned. Silas wasn’t wrong, though, and when he searched Silas’ expression there was nothing but genuine earnestness. “Yeah,” he said hesitantly. 

He let Silas order, fiddling with the wineglass of water he’d been offered. There didn’t seem to be anything to do, and he didn’t know what to say. He felt silly, and out of place, and only Silas’ hand around his kept him from clocking where the bathroom was and making a run for it. 

“Here.” Silas slapped a few blank sheets of paper in front of him. “I’m pretty sure they sent someone running to the closest store, but I really don’t care.” 

“Crayons?”

“Well yeah. Any requests or are you an artist yourself?”

Lev shrugged. “I don’t draw.” He hesitated. “And I don’t have any requests.”

“Hmm.” Silas pulled out a crayon, sketching a few quick lines. “How about a blue bird?”

Well. Lev peered down at it. It was... blue, at least. “It’s, ah, nice?”

“It’s a mess,” Silas said cheerfully. “What next?”

Lev glanced at the bird Silas had attempted to draw, and considered it. "A dog?" He finally suggested.

If it were possible, that one was worse. Lev had to hide a smile behind his hand. 

"It's terrible." Silas offered the crayon to Lev. "You try. Draw me a.... hmm. A flower? A tulip."

"How come I get the specific requests?" Lev mumbled. Silas laughed before he could wince.

"Ask for something specific next time, then, little guy."

Lev resisted the urge to stick his tongue out and took the pink crayon offered him. He took his time, not that it did much for the quality in his opinion. “I should try again.”

“Oh, no. You get one turn and then I get one.”

“You got two drawings!” Lev winced immediately.

Silas shook his head. “I never said I’d be  _ fair _ . Gimme gimme."

Lev bit back another laugh, but obediently handed over both crayon and paper. "Draw a... can you draw you?" He asked.

"Heck yes I can." Silas dug around in the box of crayons. "Let's see here. The most beautiful jawline you've ever seen... bright blue eyes... don't laugh, those are piercings. Long...flowing... locks..."

Even being generous Lev wouldn't be able to say he could recognize what it was without Silas mumbling. Still, he leaned close, making appreciative sounds. At least Silas seemed happy to be drawing his terrible drawings. That much Lev liked to see without a doubt. 

They passed the paper back and forth until their food arrived, and even then silas would occasionally snag a crayon and doodle something between bites. Lev picked at his fish, more interested in Silas, who once started could go off on tangent after tangent until Lev's head was spinning. He was never really sure if he understood everything Silas was talking about, but he liked listening anyway. Sometimes Silas would drag a story or two out of him; that was how he got to talking about how his grandmother used to train dogs. Silas seemed very excited about that, but he was quickly diverted to another topic, and Lev didn't mind letting it drift away.

Silas ended up finishing off Lev's plate when Lev got full. Lev let him, doodled nonsense on the paper that was left until Silas tapped his hand with a finger. 

"You want dessert here, or do you just want to go home?"

There was something in Silas' gaze that reminded him what Silas had said before they'd left. Heat rose in Lev's cheeks, but he refused to lower his eyes. "Home sounds nice," he said faintly. His heart skipped a beat when Silas smiled, but all Silas did was wave down their waiter. 

He wouldn't let Lev see the bill. Lev gave him a look, but all he did was gather up the papers while Silas pulled out several bills for a tip. Silas let him keep his silence all the way home, but outside Lev's apartment he pulled Lev to a stop.

"I can go, if you want. You've been..." Silas hesitated. 

Lev waited, but Silas didn't go on. The thought crossed his mind, and telling Silas to go home, to just come back tomorrow, when a good nights sleep stood between him and decisions he wasn't sure he was ready for. 

Only when it became clear Silas really was waiting for his decision did Lev reached for Silas' hand. "Don't go?" He tried to sound sure, and he didn't think he succeeded, but Silas let him lead the way inside, and that was good enough for now.

They barely had the door shut behind them before Lev went on his toes and kissed Silas, soft and shy. When he pulled back, he really did expect... some sort of negative reaction. 

Instead, Silas grinned, the expression softened with fondness. "What say we lose the jackets, yeah?"

Lev nodded mutely, and let Silas push his jacket off his shoulders. He backed up to let Silas shed his own, and backed up further when Silas crowded him until his back bumped into the doorframe. He tilted his head up, and was rewarded with a kiss, a real one this time. He was hyper aware of Silas' hands pressed against his ribs. Definitely the right decision, asking him to stay.

"You wanna... we can just... couch. Movies. Take it slow?" Silas swallowed, searching Lev's face intently.

"Bed. Please? If... if you want... I want..."

That seemed to be enough for Silas. Somewhere between the doorway and the bed they lost their shoes and belts, and Lev's pants were dangerously low on his hips, already open, when Silas started undoing the buttons on his shirt, one by one. With each one, he pressed a kiss to Lev's skin, lower and lower, and only smiled when Lev stared at him with wide eyes.

Silas pressed his thumbs to Lev's hip bones, his gaze near reverent. "You sure?"

"Yeah," Lev promised. With Silas so close, with so little between his hot breath and Lev's cock, that was about all he could manage to say.

Between the two of them they got him free of the rest of his clothes, and Silas wasn't far behind. He caught Lev before Lev could roll onto his belly, giving a hoarse, "I want to see you." Then Silas went for a kiss, somehow harsh and loving at the same time. Until Silas looped Lev's arms around his neck, Lev kept his hands fisted in his covers just to be safe.

By the time Silas reached between them, Lev was all but oozing slick, his cock rock hard against Silas as he whined. Silas paused before he touched Lev, fixing Lev with a steady look. 

"You want this? We don't have to."

Lev rolled his hips. "I want it. I want- please?" He arched his neck, exposing the skin there in a show of submission. He didn't think he could figure out how to beg Silas for more, but he'd try soon if Silas didn't hurry up.

Thankfully, Silas understood. He eased a finger in. Two, soon enough, stretching Lev, teasing at his rim until Lev moaned, and only then adding a third finger. While he worked he leaned over, kissing the closest bit of skin. "Yeah? You want more?" His teeth scraped against Lev's collar bone. "That okay?"

"Yes. Yeah. Yes. Si-" Lev twitched when Silas pulled his fingers out. The scent of his own arousal was maddening, and he wanted more of Silas pressed against him. Pressed in him. "Silas."

Silas shushed him gently. Between Silas' stretching and Lev's slick he eased in smoothly. Lev moaned, thrusting his hips to help Silas bottom out. He could feel Silas chuckling against his throat, and his omega all but purred at how pleased Silas seemed.

Silas was taking his time. His hands pressed against Lev's skin, mapping his ribs and tracing his hips as he rolled his hips against Lev, slow and sensual. Lev had expected more roughness, but he couldn't deny Silas' enthusiasm. Each measured thrust hit home, and each playful bite had Lev squirming.

"How do you want it, Lev?" Silas pressed a kiss to Lev's jaw. "I want to make it good."

Lev blinked at him. What did  _ he _ want? "I..." He swallowed a whine as Silas stilled, fixing him with a gaze so intense he shivered. "I want..."

Silas shifted so he could brace himself on either side of Lev, and Lev's soft groan was enough to make him still again.

"I won't break," Lev blurted. "I can take whatever you want to give."

"How much do you want me to give?"

Lev swallowed. "All of it. If you want."

Silas huffed out a laugh, and was quick to kiss him. "You'll tell me if you don't like something, right?" His innocent look didn't fool Lev. "I like knowing what makes us both happy. Yeah?"

"Yeah," Lev said, knowing damn well Silas was pulling the alpha thing. Somehow he didn't mind it with Silas. He knew Silas meant well.

Silas pressed close, rocking against Lev. "More?"

"Yeah," Lev repeated, closing his eyes. His breath caught in his throat as Silas obliged. With each thrust Silas was a little more enthusiastic. He knew exactly where to aim each push of his hips, knew exactly how hard to thrust, and he punctuated every other one with a playful nip. 

Lev didn't take long to be a moaning pile of putty in Silas' hands. He kissed back when Silas pressed close again, hooking his arms tighter around Silas' neck. Even when Lev felt Silas' knot forming Silas didn't pause, just groaned into the kiss. The stretch as it kept almost catching on Lev's rim was nearly too much; Lev gave a low whine as he arched up into Silas' movements.

When it finally caught, and Silas came, Silas rolled his hips again, pressing just right against Lev until Lev came as well with a small cry. Lev thought that would be it, that Silas would pull back and wait for his knot to go down, but instead Silas pressed kiss after kiss to his face, murmuring sweet nothings while he stroked Lev's cheek. 

Silas rolled onto his side, pulling Lev with him. Even that jostled Lev enough he moaned again, but Silas just tucked Lev close. Silas ran a hand down his back. "Was that good? I didn't go too far did I?"

Confusion flickered in Lev's chest. He wasn't used to an alpha willingly knotting him. Usually they pulled out before they got stuck. Even when they did, none of them had ever  _ fussed _ or  _ cared _ about after. He shook his head belatedly, ducking his chin, but it was too late. Tears spilled over, and Silas had seen.

Once again Silas took him by surprise. There wasn't a single moment of annoyance. Instead Silas' fingers carded through his hair, not once demanding as he tried to soothe Lev.

"It's okay. Was it too much?" Silas almost smothered him with curling around Lev, and yet Lev had never felt safer than now, burrowed into Silas' chest as he cried his heart out.

"No, I just- I'm not used to- why do you  _ care _ ? Alphas should be worried about  _ themselves _ ." Lev sucked in a sharp breath, almost choked on his next sob. "I shouldn't be a concern of yours, I shouldn't worry you, omegas shouldn't- I'm a bad- I'm not a good omega, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm-"

"Hey. Hey. I don't know who told you that, but they lied." Silas rubbed his back, pressed a fierce kiss to the top of Lev's head. "Of course I'm going to worry about you. You're not a bad omega. You're thoughtful and sweet and kind and a good man."

Lev shook his head, giving another wet sob. 

"You're allowed to cry. And you're allowed to take up space. I want to know when you're upset, so we can fix whatever is wrong." Silas was quiet for a bit longer, until Lev had calmed somewhat.

"I'm sorry," Lev finally whispered. "I...you didn't go too fast. It wasn't too much. I really... _ really  _ liked it. It's been... too long. I just didn't expect you to... after. The-"

Only when it was obvious that he wasn't going to continue did Silas prompt gently, "The after care?" 

Lev nodded after a moment of thought. "I didn't mean to scare you off."

"Hey, now. Who said anything about scaring me off?" Silas bit his ear lightly. "Unless you want me to go I think I'm gonna be around for a good long time."

"But why?" Lev blurted.

"Because I like you." Silas stroked a hand down his back again, not once demanding he look up. Lev kept his face buried in Silas' chest until Silas added, "You need anything?"

Lev considered that, and them said softly, "Just... keep holding me?"

"Of course. Can I stay the night, or do you want me to head out when I can?"

"Stay," Lev whispered. "I don't want to be alone."

"You won't be. I won't let you," Silas promised. His fingers lingered on Lev's hip, tracing old scars there. Lev could feel the question in the air, as Silas finally had the time to register exactly what they were. He didn't say anything yet, something Lev was extremely grateful for. "You need anything else?"

Lev hesitated. 

"I don't care how silly it is, ask away."

"I like it when... you squish me? I feel... safe? Grounded. And you're warm."

Silas considered that, and then rolled a little, until he was back on top of Lev, propped up on either side of his head. They both stared, breathless for a heartbeat, before Silas said, "Like that?"

"You won't break me," Lev said, face heating. 

"You said that before," Silas replied, dropping a kiss on Lev's forehead. "I believe you, but just because you can take it doesn't mean you don't deserve to be treated gently."

Lev had no answer to that, and so he closed his eyes rather than watch Silas wait for one. Not long after he felt Silas' teeth on his neck, not biting, just there. He let out a small sigh, strangely comforted. He fell asleep with Silas' face in his neck, and one of Silas' hands on his waist.

~~

The first thing Lev noticed when he woke was that Silas was still on top of him. By now Lev was on his stomach, but the steady weight at his back and the scent of contented alpha sent shivers of delight through him. This was right, this was exactly what he'd needed, if his omega was to be believed. 

The second thing he noticed was the fact that he had forgotten to clean up last night and he had some regrets. He spent several minutes debating whether the need to get clean or the bone deep contentment was more important. 

Silas woke before he could come to a decision. A kiss was pressed to his shoulder, and then Silas murmured, "Mornin' you."

Lev arched like a cat without thinking about it, and then flushed. His omega was smug, especially when Silas nipped at his shoulder lightly. Still, he was growing more and more aware of how uncomfortable he was. He wiggled out from under Silas, mumbling about the shower, and fled into the bathroom.

It almost felt wrong, knowing that scrubbing himself down would lessen how much of Silas' scent clung to him. The sheer possessiveness of his omega startled him. It wasn't often he got so clingy when it came to alphas. The last time he had, it hadn't ended well.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't notice Silas had come in until Silas wrapped himself around Lev with a groan. Lev shrieked, twisting halfway before his brain caught up with him.

"Just me. You left the bathroom open, I thought it was an invitation."

It hadn't been. Lev didn't even remember deciding to leave the door open. A habit, then, left over from Remi, who liked to know there was nothing between him and the omega he claimed. 

Lev forced himself to relax, and leaned back into Silas. It wasn't like Silas hadn't seen everything already. He might as well take comfort in the alpha's closeness while he was there.

Silas worried a bruise into the side of his neck, before saying, "So about breakfast."

Guilt washed over Lev. "I'm sorry, I didn't get the chance to-"

"Hey, no." Silas held him tighter to keep him from leaving. "I didn't expect you to. I was trying to say I ordered us something and it should be here in about half an hour. I didn't want to give up any time snuggling you for something as mundane as you trying to make a three course breakfast."

Lev gave up and leaned back again. "I like cooking for you."

"And I like your cooking, but not as much as I like holding you." Silas rubbed his cheek against Lev’s. 

"One day that isn't gonna work."

"Sure, sure." Silas sounded amused. "Until then, let's get you washed up. I interrupted you."

Lev had plenty of time to get started, but he wasn't going to deny Silas, not when Silas was sliding his hands down Lev's sides. It seemed even just Silas rubbing shampoo into Lev's hair (even though that was not what Lev had intended to wash when he got in) was enough for Lev's omega to practically croon in pleasure. Silas was thorough. Lev relished every touch, and was almost disappointed when Silas finished. Silas stepped out, and even though he was only gone a minute or two Lev's chest started to tighten.

Silas reeled him in close and started rubbing him down the moment he got back. The scary thing was Lev could feel the anxiety peeling away with every moment he was able to snuggle close, face pressed into Silas's neck stubbornly. He stuck so close Silas gave up and just hooked his arms under Lev's legs so he could carry him to the couch.

There was no denying Silas's scent was all over him again, and that sent Lev's omega into ecstatic fits. Silas pressed a kiss to his nose before he let Lev snuggle. Lev had five minutes of peace before the doorbell rang.

“Ah, shit. Pants.” Silas dumped Lev on the couch gently, and bolted for the bedroom. Mortification shot through Lev as soon as his protesting whine left his lips. Silas reappeared holding his slacks up with one hand, cash between his teeth. Lev chose to bury his face in the throw pillow rather than listen to Silas pay for the breakfast he'd gotten delivered.

Silas climbed back onto the couch, arms full of food. He dumped those to the side and pulled Lev in his lap. Lev refused to let himself think about how relieved he was that Silas was within touching distance again. He rubbed his cheek against Silas, and didn't stop until Silas wrapped him up in his arms again. 

"You know, we still have to eat."

Lev shook his head, keeping his nose pressed to Silas' neck. It took a few moments of coaxing before Silas got him out, settled sideways in his lap. He went cross eyed before he accepted the bite of bacon Silas offered. With a flush he didn't quite know how to explain, he remembered a very similar moment from his heat. The memory was hazy, but the pleased press of Silas' lips to Lev's forehead was not. Lev couldn't bring himself to care.

"So I thought we could go to the park today," Silas said, several minutes and a chicken biscuit later. Lev swallowed a protest; if Silas wanted to go out, he'd go out. To his relief, though, Silas saw his expression and backtracked. "Or not. We could just stay in." He fed Lev a grape, grinned mischievously. "Could knot you again. Make you smell like me inside and out."

Lev flicked out his tongue, catching the tips of Silas' fingers in answer. His omega purred at how pleased Silas seemed. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a warning for Michael tbh

After a good hour or so in bed, they did manage to go out to the park. If Lev thought he was clingy, Silas certainly outshone him. Not just that afternoon, where he kept his jacket firmly around Lev's shoulders and his hand around Lev's, but over the next week as they spent even more time together, if that were at all possible. He was bound and determined to get as much food into Lev as possible, and Lev was more than happy to eat if it made Silas happy. He was going through groceries ten times as fast as he usually did, but half the time Silas paid before Lev could, and snuck around cooking meals too, so Lev couldn't really complain.

Silas took him to an aquarium. And a museum. And to the movies. Twice. He spent the night more often than not, and after a few very serious discussions about Lev's comfort levels, Lev sometimes found himself waking up to them knotted together as well as falling asleep that way. 

He couldn't deny he loved it. Even ignoring his omega's pleased smugness, he loved how caring and sweet Silas was to him, always. He felt safer and calmer than he’d been in a long while. Silas was almost always nearby, there for him to curl into when he woke from unsettling dreams.

It was a blissful week, and at the end of it, Lev was stretched out on top of Silas, watching Bambi while Silas stroked his back and kept up a running commentary about... something. Lev meant to listen, but he was sleepy and content and he was past the worst part of Bambi.

His front door opened without warning, and Lev scrambled to sit up, almost falling off Silas in his hurry.

"Heyy, get it, cuz."

Silas grimaced under Lev, looking pained. Lev shifted off him quickly, mumbling sorries for where his flailing limbs had landed. "Hey, Mar," Silas grumbled, before Lev could. 

Lev looked down, startled. "You know my cousin?"

Silas shrugged. "I helped her out before she started dating Cin. Didn't realize you two were cousins."

“Didn’t realize you were banging my cousin now that you’ve moved on, Si.” Amara wrinkled her nose. “I’m assuming you two are banging. The whole place stinks of you both.”

Lev gave a choked sound. “Mar-Mar, don’t-”

“Oh, wow, cuz, that blush is intense.” Amara grinned. “As much as I’d love to keep teasing you, we have a doctors appointment. You do remember asking me last month, don’t you?”

Lev paused, flicking through mental dates. It’d already been a month? Lev groaned softly. “I lost track of the days. Let me get dressed and I can... Silas, I’m so sorry. I- rain check? I’m really sorry.”

"Don't worry about it. You want me to clear out?"

Lev hesitated. "I... only if you want. I need to- non-pyjama clothes." He fled to the bedroom to avoid Amara's searching look.

Once he crept back into the room, he found Silas sitting up, looking chastened. Amara grinned at Lev. "Ready to go bud?"

Lev switched his attention to Silas. Silas shook his head. "Just text me when you get home."

Lev lingered long enough that Amara grabbed his arm and dragged him out the door. It wasn’t until they got downstairs that he realized she'd ridden her motorcycle there. "Can't you get a car like a normal person?"

"And ruin my aesthetic? You know how many hidebound alphas I piss off riding this?" Amara handed him a helmet. "Besides. This feels safer than cars."

Lev eyed the bike doubtfully. "Cars have seat belts."

"Yeah and it's so much easier to get stuck inside one. Up you go, bud, or we're gonna be late."

Lev huffed at her, but he climbed on the back of the motorcycle. He buried his face between her shoulder blades, helmet’s awkwardness be damned, and didn’t lift his head until the ride was over.

She helped him totter off, taking back the helmet and patting him on the head. "Was that so bad?"

"I actively think I'm going to die every time you drive me somewhere," Lev said solemnly, giving her the closest he could come to a glare.

"And yet you ask me to take you to the doc every time."

Lev looked down. "You won't let them bullshit me. Won't let them try to protect me."

"Damn right I won't." She hooked her arm through his and led the way inside the clinic. 

As stressful as it was, everything went pretty normally. Lev had stopped growing years ago, but he was a little pleased to see he'd gained weight. His doctor had been gently pushing him to for ages. Amara hovered close enough to be comforting, cracking jokes enough she even got a smile from him once.

When the nurse left them alone in the examination room, though, Amara took her chance. "So how long have you and Silas been a thing?"

"I don't... I don't know if we are." Lev squirmed. "Its just- its just sex."

"Lev, he's all over you. How long has it been?"

"A month," Lev mumbled. "Almost two. Since he started... he started hanging out with me. We met... earlier than that."

Amara narrowed her eyes, but Dr. Wade walked in right then, saving Lev from answering any more questions. 

Dr. Wade had been Lev's doctor since Lev had come of age. By all rights, Lev should have been comfortable with him. He was a mild mannered beta who had seen Lev at his worst and never judged. He was used to Amara's presence right now, and was quick to greet her as well as Lev. 

"It's good to see you in. I was wondering if we'd need to remind you to make your yearly appointment again." 

Lev flushed, and ducked his chin. That wasn't why he'd made the appointment at all. He needed to get his suppressants adjusted. that was all. But now that he was here, he couldn't find the words to say it. He chewed on his lip, only half listening as Dr. Wade puttered around doing the usual things. It was harder to admit when Amara was there, and that was a new development.

"Levant?"

Lev jerked out of his anxious cycle, peering up at Dr. Wade. "I'm sorry?"

"Dr. Wade wants to know if this is just a check up, or if there's something else," Amara supplied. When Lev just blinked, Amara huffed and addressed the doctor herself. "I don't know for sure, but I think it has to do with the fact that he's finally sexually active again. Birth control maybe?"

Lev gave a choked sound. “Mar!” He rubbed his face. “I-”

Dr. Wade cleared his throat. “Is that it?”

Amara had given Lev an out, and he didn’t know how to make himself admit his suppressants hadn’t worked in months, that he was a week and a half out from another. He knew he shouldn't, but he took the option Amara gave, rather than admit the truth. "Yeah... I just... yeah?" He swallowed. "We, uh, aren't using... we just-"

“I’d recommend you both get tested,” Dr. Wade said lightly. “If either of you have had any previous partners.” As if he didn’t know about Remi. Still, he was being gentle, Lev thought, and that was sweet. “Some more fertile omegas can still get pregnant during the time they would have had their heats, so if you’re concerned, you can use condoms. Suppressants are still going to be the best form of birth control, though.”

Lev bobbed his head nervously. “Thank you.”

Guilt plucked at him. He should have come clean. There was no shame in meds that didn’t work, right? It wasn’t his fault. And yet, and yet... He let the rest of the appointment pass in a blur, gave his customary grumbling at Amara’s bike, but he was counting down the minutes that he could get home. 

“Hey.” Amara grabbed his elbow before he could disappear inside. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

Lev nodded. “I am. I... I’m doing better.”

“And I’m glad, but I hope you...” Amara squeezed his elbow once before letting go. “Just... I worry about you sometimes, cuz.”

“I’m doing better,” Lev repeated, because what else could he say? 

Amara stared at him for another long moment, before sighing and backing off. He watched her go before he slipped inside. It took him ten minutes to give in and text Silas. It took Silas another ten minutes to arrive. Lev burrowed into his arms the moment Silas sat down, and just being surrounded by Silas’ scent was soothing in a way Lev was afraid to admit.

“You okay?” Silas asked, holding him close.

“My heat is coming up,” Lev mumbled. “And I’m scared.” Scared he’d be caught off guard. Scared he’d wander off again. Scared it wouldn’t be Silas that found him this time.

Silas nuzzled his cheek. “Do you want... what’s scaring you?”

“I don’t want to be alone,” Lev whispered. “I- I don't want to  _ make  _ you- it’s not fair to ask you-”

“You want me to stay with you during your heat?” Silas asked gently.

Lev nodded slowly. He clung as long as Silas let him, but eventually Silas nudged him to sit up. 

“If I’m going to stay with you during your heat, we need to talk about what you want. What you need.” Silas stroked Lev’s cheek. “I don’t think you can really consent during that time."

Lev paused. Something warm bloomed in his chest. He touched Silas' cheek lightly. "I know what I want, even during heat. I-" He dropped his hand and closed his eyes. "Trust me. I know when I don't want something. Heat won't change that. Heat'll make it stronger."

There was a beat of silence Lev didn't want to interpret, and then Silas pressed a kiss to Lev's forehead. "Alright. But I still want to talk about it first. What you want and what to expect. Foods you want during your heat, which house, that sort of thing."

Lev let out a sigh, relaxing into Silas. "I don't want to stop... sleeping together. The sex is nice. But I don't- I'm not ready for kids."

"So use a condom, got it." Silas chuckled softly. "It's not a problem. Should we start now? I know the fertility window is flexible sometimes."

“Yes please,” Lev said in a small voice. “If you don't mind.”

“Course I don’t. Anyone who does mind is-” Silas bit back his angry words, and stroked Lev’s cheek. “Condoms aren’t hard. I’ll pick some up today.”

“Thank you,” Lev said softly.

“Of course,” Silas said firmly. “It’s literally the least I could do. So... food?”

“Berries? I- I’ve been on suppressants so long I’ve... it’s been a while. I just kept a lot of snack foods when I was by myself, easy things, and when... when I did have an alpha with me I didn't think about it. He didn't want me to."

Silas hummed softly. "Well. Guess we'll have to go to the store and just have a shopping spree." 

Lev snuggled closer, pressing his nose ro Silas' neck and breathing deep. "Okay," he said quietly.

"How much time do we have?" 

"A week and a half, maybe?" Lev closed his eyes tightly. "I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner. I'm not used to worrying about it, but that isn't an excuse-"

"Hey. It's fine. Heats are complicated. I'm glad you asked instead of holing up in here." Silas pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Speaking of here... do you want to spend your heat here? Or at my apartment?" 

Lev wrinkled his nose. "I think I'm gonna want to he surrounded by your scent," he admitted. "You make me feel... safe. I'll be able to relax better."

"So my place it is." After a small sigh, Silas slid his hand under Lev's shirt. Just that simple touch was enough that Lev relaxed somewhat. "You know you don't have to be afraid of me, right? Of asking me for things?"

Lev swallowed. "Its... difficult. I'm trying."

"I know," Silas soothed immediately. "I'll remind you anytime you need though, alright?"

Lev nodded. He waited for more, but all Silas did was shift so they were stretched out on the couch, holding Lev close. After a moment, Lev decided he could live with that.

~~~

Silas hadn’t meant for Lev to meet Michael. Not yet, anyway. If he had to at all, it certainly wouldn't be so soon, much less five days out from Lev’s heat. Lev was already nesting, had pillows and blankets piled on Silas's bed, and spent a good part of the day wallowing in it sleepily. For once he wasn't fussing about making food for Silas, freeing Silas up to make dinners he could just reheat over the next week. It was good, this time he got, and while Lev was twice as snuggly as usual, he didn't want to do anything beyond being held most nights. It was the firmest no Silas had ever gotten from Lev, the last time Silas had tried to initiate something, and Silas didn't need to be told twice. 

He was putting away groceries when his father walked in, not even bothering to knock. “You didn’t come to dinner.”

Silas spun around, halfway through folding the last grocery bag. “I told you, Dad, I’m helping someone out, I couldn’t make it this week.”

Michael narrowed his eyes, opening his mouth to speak, but he paused. Silas winced as he sniffed the air. “You have an omega here.”

“I told you,” Silas said through gritted teeth. “I’m helping. Someone. Out.”

Lev proved to have the worst timing, because he came creeping out of the bedroom then. At least he was wearing clothes, though it was obviously Silas’ sweatshirt he was drowning in. Lev stared at Michael for a moment, nostrils flaring briefly. He skirted around Michael, coming to bury his face in Silas’ chest without a word, keeping his gaze lowered for now.

As much as Silas hated to say it, he said lightly, “Why don’t you get started on dinner, bud? I have to talk to my dad.”

Lev rubbed his cheek against Silas’ shirt, before giving a polite, faint, “Yes, alpha,” and skittered off. 

Silas herded his dad out of the kitchen. “I wasn’t bullshitting you, Dad. He needs me right now. I probably won’t make it next week either, but after that I should be back on schedule.”

“He’s close to his heat, isn’t he?”

Silas lifted his gaze to the ceiling. “Not that it’s  _ any _ of your business, but yeah.”

“Is it serious? Between you two?”

“Dad.”

“Is it?”

“ _ Dad _ .” Silas glared. “Yeah. I think so. Are you happy?”

Michael met his gaze levelly. “Watch your tone with me, Silas.”

Silas bit his tongue rather than pick a fight where Lev could hear. The omega was stressed enough already; Silas could smell it from here. “I didn’t say anything because we’re taking it slow. I’m not asking him for anything he doesn’t want to give. He’s not like the one night stands I've had before.”

“Is he? You act like I can’t smell him all over you. Like you weren’t all over him.”

“Dad, seriously, fuck off.”

“I told you to watch your tone with me, boy.” Michael shot the kitchen a calculating look, and then said, “There’s no reason I can’t stay for dinner.”

“Dad-”

“I’ll let you off the hook for the next two.”

Silas closed his eyes, debating. “Fine. But don’t you dare say one harsh word to him. He’s skittish enough as is.”

Michael showed his acquiescence by settling down at the dining room table. Silas, after a glance towards the kitchen, did the same. He kept an ear out for Lev, only half listening to his father. He didn't like how firmly Lev kept his gaze down when he crept out of the kitchen to set the table, and he hated how quickly Lev retreated again. It was so close to Lev’s heat. He deserved to be pampered and snuggled, not make dinner for Silas' pushy bastard of a father.

Even listening for Lev proved a challenge; Lev was quiet in the kitchen, though efficient, it seemed, because it took less than half an hour for Lev to reappear with plates for him and Michael. Silas slid a hand around Lev's wrist.

"Catch your breath, but come sit with us, alright?"

"Yes, alpha."

Silas winced, both at the robotic response and the muted demeanor. He fought the urge to set his jaw angrily, and added in the softest tone he could, "Don't forget a plate, little guy. You have to eat, too."

Lev obeyed, and Silas almost wished he wouldn't. It couldn't be a good thing, that approving glint in Michael's eye. Silas wanted nothing more than to bundle Lev up and chase away the tension in his trembling fingers with kiss after kiss, but that would have to wait until Michael was gone. 

True to his word, Michael didn't say anything cruel to Lev. He didn't say anything at all to the omega, though he kept fixing Lev with a look Silas couldn't interpret. Silas was almost as relieved as Lev when dinner was over and Lev could flee with the dirty dishes. Silas stood, ready to bundle his father our the door physically. 

"Your omega does know how to cook, I'll give him that." Michael planted himself in front of the doorway. "Good manners, quiet. How on earth you managed to find interest in someone like him after telling me no about others just like him is beyond me. Unless you were saying no just to spite me."

"He's a lot more interesting when you're not around," Silas shot back.

"At least you weren't blunt enough to say hes a good fuck to my face," Michael said lightly. "Try not to ruin this, Silas. For once you're actually dating someone worth it."

He was gone before Silas could process what he'd said and throw a punch. Probably for the best, but Silas still let out a string of explicatives and glared at the door for a solid minute before he turned on his heel and went to go find Lev. 

The kitchen was clean, and Lev was in the corner, chin down and shoulders hunched. Silas approached slowly, and didn't move to touch Lev until Lev looked up. 

"You need a hug?"

That seemed to be all Lev needed to pounce. Silas could feel him shaking against him. 

"I've got you, sweetheart. I'm sorry. I didn't know he'd barge in like that." Silas pressed a kiss to the top of his head. 

"I- not my alpha, he smelled- not like you. And he smelled angry and... He scared me."

"Yeah, that's my dad for you. You wanna go back to bed? We can snuggle the rest of the night. No more cleaning for you."

He scooped Lev up without waiting for an answer. Lev was too quiet anyway. Silas would just have to kiss away the fear in his eyes.


End file.
